Well I'm going to blame it on being 9 months pregnant but the past few days I have been on very thin ice emotionally. I feel bad for Brandon, although he is taking it like a champ always comforting me even when it's ridiculous that I'm crying. Today when I went to the doctor and found out I still have not dilated at all, I did my best to keep back the tears. I was doing pretty good, only Brandon could tell I was not doing great, until the doctor kept talking about how it is normal in first pregnancies to go 4 days over. The wall I had built kept slowly breaking down the more he talked until finally he asked if I was crying and for some reason that question when I'm holding back tears acts like a big sledge hammer and knocks that wall right down. I proceeded to break down. The doctor took it pretty well, maybe he sees that a lot. I composed myself with some more comforting from Brandon, but was not looking forward to today. I knew I was going to talk with my mom to tell her about my appointment and I also knew that the minute she asked how the appointment went I would start crying all over again. I didn't know however that my visiting teacher would call and ask how I was doing and in the end I would end up crying all over again. So, that makes about 3 break downs, I'm on a roll today! Some of you might be thinking what are you complaining about you haven't even gotten to your due date yet, and while that is true Brandon can attest to the fact that I am a natural worrier and I'm really good at coming up with things to worry about, and each day our little girl stays in and I don't progress the worrying increases. But I have come to some realizations and I'm going to work really hard on not worrying but rather enjoying this last little bit. And as everyone keeps reminding me, I am not going to be pregnant forever, this baby will come out at some point, in fact she will come out within the next 2-3 weeks for sure. (It's hard to remember that for some reason)
The reason for this post was not to get sympathy from you all but rather to put some of my thoughts down. First, I am so grateful to be pregnant, and I have really enjoyed being pregnant. I love every time our little girl moves even when it feels like she's trying to bust out of my side. I hope I can be pregnant many more times because it is really a wonderful time. Second, I have come to realize that crying and talking about how you are feeling is a good and probably healthy thing to do. Even though I felt weird crying to my visiting teacher, because I'm not usually the cry and tell you all my feelings type person, except to a few, it made me feel so much better. She had some good advice for me because she went through the same thing when she didn't seem to be progressing with her first. Third, while it is hard to watch others go through trials and its hard to go through trials of our own, it helps to see someone in a worse position than yourself to help you keep things in perspective. I truly am so blessed with a wonderful husband and soon a beautiful little girl. So, until she comes I'm going to work on enjoying each day, probably a good thing to be able to do in the future anyways so I might as well get the practice. Wish me luck!
And for your viewing pleasure:
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| 4th of July |
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| Patriotic Strawberries, they were pretty delicious! |
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| 38.5 weeks |
3 comments:
The last few weeks really are the hardest! I don't know how it is to have to wait. I was induced with all my kiddos. With the twins I had to be induced 3 weeks early and with Sophie I was a few days early. But I know the waiting and worry that happens at the end. She will be here before you know it! And it's ok to cry, we all have been there! Good luck the next few weeks you can do it!
Hang in there. Never apologize for your emotions, especially when you are pregnant! Crying is sometimes the best medicine. You are looking as fabulous as ever and soon enough your little angel will be in your arms!
I just left you this big comment and it didn't post. You are totally normal with the emotions. Don't worry..it's very common with pregnant woman. Try doing the things that will help you along. Long long walks always helped me. And foot massages. Even though you haven't progressed, that can change super fast. I went from a 1 to a 4 over a weekend. Good luck!! Can't wait to see your beautiful girl!
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